I got chris browned last night
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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where are you?
Hypothermia
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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