You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I checked into jail on foursquare
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
