I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
