i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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