Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
