so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
