she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
do herpes really smell.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
