You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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