i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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