I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i believe in u and ur pee
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
