she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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