we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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