please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
