at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
