she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
