I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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