he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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