we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
