before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
