well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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