Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
