Soap is not a condiment
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
