McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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