is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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