Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
