Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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