If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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