thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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