Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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