ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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