My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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