those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
