i just had sex bonerless
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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