it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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