True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
