I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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