Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my shit smells like andre
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
