I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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