i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
