Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
