I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
