i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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