He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
