Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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