Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
