holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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