i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
