I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
