You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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