someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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