God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I didn't notice because vodka
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
