need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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