I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
