school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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