ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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