i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
