Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
