i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
