just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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