I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
