my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
