"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
