the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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