Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
