Swine flu is the new snow day.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
