Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
