totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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