marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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