I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sorry about my life...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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