I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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