i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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