and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
