I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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