He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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