I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
