I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
