i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
