C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
